12 Week Appointment with Ultrasound

Today was my 12 week appointment. I have been on Zofran for almost a week now and it has seriously helped me be able to function. My Dr, Michelle Pham is amazing. She is totally relatable and understanding and accomodating to this surrogacy. When I told her about my struggles with nausea this pregnancy she sent the prescription right away and I felt like a new woman!

Todays appointment was pretty routine. Pee in a cup to test for protein and sugar in my urine, and then blood pressure and wait for the Dr. We had an ultrasound today and I was completely blown away at the clarity of the ultrasound!! It was even better than the ultrasounds I had with my own kids! The baby looked like a baby now. I could see a nose, and eyes, and even a tiny hand!! It was so neat. I was really excited to get it on video for my IPs. I just knew that IM would love seeing how wiggly her baby is!! The baby even gave us a clear view at the possible sex of the baby. Dr. Pham said if she had to guess she would say Girl!! So we won't know for sure obviously until the 20 week Ultrasound on the 12th of April, but it was still neat to have something to show and tell my IPs other than "All looks great!"

I'm excited for my 16 week appointment although there will be no ultrasound then. I am enjoying every step of this pregnancy. :) My IPs were so excited to hear from me about the appointment today and to see their baby! (Enjoy the video below..had to be trimmed for size and may not play on smartphones.)

So you're friends with a Surrogate. The do's and don't of that situation.

So it occured to me, as I continue in this surrogacy and as I speak with various friends and relatives in my life, that it's not really ever been laid out for people how to appropriately help or not help a friend who is a surrogate.

When a friend announces to you that she is pregnant with a child (that is her own), often times we know exactly what to do! Maybe you offer to throw her a baby shower, or at least attend one for her, or bring her a gift for the new baby, visit her in the hospital after the baby is born and oo and ah over the new addition. With surrogacy, many of these norms are not always appropriate, and many don't realize that.

1) A Baby Shower: Sometimes when a mother is having her 3rd, or 4th child, she often feels "Whats the point?" of throwing a baby shower? She has everything from previous pregnancies that she needs, and often times just needs maybe one or two things and diapers! In this case I usually buy her a "Mommy gift." ie: Spa Gift certificate, Gift card to a nice restaurant, Free babysitting etc. When your friend is a surrogate, she is not having a new baby. She is delivering one yes, but the baby is not hers...so what do you do?? Often times the IM (Intended Mother)'s family is throwing the IM a shower of her own to prepare for the baby..in this case you as a friend are involved only with the interest of your friend and how she's doing. Your surrogate friend may be invited to participate in said shower, or she may not. That depends on her relationship with the IPs, and their location. If you want to do something nice for your Surrogate friend I suggest a "Mommy Gift." Take her to get her toes done, or to a movie just the two of you. Those are all ways you can show her, as her friend, that you want to recognize her going through this pregnancy that won't result in a baby for HER.

2) DO NOT expect to come to the hospital after she gives birth, to hold the baby. :
Someone mentioned to me a while ago how "unfair" it was that I was a surrogate because that meant that they wouldn't be able to hold the baby after I gave birth. This is correct. It is not appropriate to come to the hospital after I give birth, to visit me and hold the baby. First let me explain to anyone who does not have children that the first few hours and days after childbirth are an emotional roller coaster. The parents are bonding with their child, people are crying tears of joy and relief, people are exhausted, I will be sore and exhausted, and the moment is just extremely private and intimate for all involved. It is just not appropriate to come to the hospital expecting to get involved as a third party. The baby is not mine. The family will have their own friends and family visiting, and while it is usually appropriate to visit someone at the hospital after they give birth to their OWN child, with a surrogate it is not. The only people who are welcome (at least in my case) are my husband, children, and parents. Everybody else is more than welcome to visit me at my home if they would like, after my stay at the hospital.

3) DO bring food by if you would like. ;)
She still gave birth!! She doesnt have a baby to hold, but she is still physically exhausted and sore from delivery, and prepared meals in her freezer are a welcome sight. :)

4) Be ready to listen:
Your surrogate friend will be going through all of the usual emotional craziness of post partum, with the added possibility of some anxiety and hormonal changes that come from not having the baby to help regulate. I personally will be encapsulating my placenta to help regulate my hormones. I suggest being a kind and patient friend by letting her cry, or laugh, or yell, whatever she needs to work through wherever she is at that time emotionally. This doesn't mean she feels any kind of regret or separation anxiety from the baby, it just means she feels hormonally imbalanced after the birth and needs a patient ear.


If you have any questions about what is or isn't appropriate with a surrogate, please ask me! Either in the comments, or email me and I will be happy to help with an answer. I don't know everything about surrogacy as I am still in the journey, but together we can figure it out. :)

Officially off my meds!! 11 weeks Pregnant

Last Monday was my last day taking any medication for this pregnancy (except for prenatal vitamins obviously.) I ended my shots first, and then continued my Estradiol and Progesterone Capsule for another week. They lowered my dose of Estradiol to one pill per day though instead of 6, so that was nice.

My hips are still sore from my shots. They have been numb since about the third week of shots, and are just now gaining feeling back in them. They feel tingly and like pins are being stuck into them every now and then. I think its my nerves trying to recover. Poor Hunter my son tryies to sit behind me on the couch only to hear me wince and shriek when he hits my hips in the wrong spot. He likes to bend down and kiss my "boo boos" for me though. I pretend it helps.

One thing that I found really DOES help is Arnicare Arnica Creme from Whole Foods and Sprouts. Its homeopathic, and really does take the muscle pain away. The only downside is that it doesnt last for too long. I reapply a lot. It also helped to lay on a heating pad right after the shot was administered for like 30 minutes.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant now. Every Saturday is a new week. My morning sickness is pretty bad. I cant even sit up in the morning without first eating something. One morning I got adventurous and a little ballsy and decided I would try changing my 1 year old daughter's diaper, and pour my son some cereal before I got too sick. Ya... I made it to pouring the cereal before running to the kitchen trash can. Hot tea helps and feels good on my tummy, also Ginger Ale. I am constantly eating to keep from being too sick, but I can never eat too much. Its small meals.

My husband and I are going on our 5 year anniversary trip this Friday. Its actually in Aug, but I will be 9 months pregnant then and not really in the mood or place to travel so we are going now. I can't wait for the full night of sleep, when I can shut my mommy ears off, and relax. I am also getting a prenatal massage the next day and will be enjoying the view of Sonoma from my room's balcony. I will need to remember to pack snacks for the night though! Don't want to have to call room service at 3am.. "Uh yes hi....do you have any saltine crackers and..bleeeeechhhh." Cute.

Thats all for now.

Cravings this month:
~V8 Juice with Tapatio sauce over ice
~Chocolate
~Spicy food over rice